The Truth About the ‘6 Stages of Grief’: Why Healing Isn’t Linear

“For years, people have been told that grief comes in six neat stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, and finding meaning. But here’s the truth— grief doesn’t follow stages. It’s not a straight line. It’s messy, unpredictable, and deeply personal,” says Dr. Michael Reeves, a psychologist specializing in grief and loss.

The “6 stages of grief” model, originally based on work by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, was never meant to be a strict roadmap for loss. Yet, decades later, it’s still treated as if everyone must go through each stage in order to heal.

The Problem with the ‘Stages of Grief’ Model

While the model was groundbreaking at the time, it oversimplified something profoundly complex.

“Many of my clients tell me, ‘I thought I was grieving wrong because I wasn’t following the stages.’ This belief often makes people feel broken—when in reality, their grief is unfolding exactly as it should,” explains Dr. Reeves.

Here’s why the model doesn’t hold up:

• People may skip stages entirely
• Some feelings may repeat over and over
• Emotions often blend together rather than appearing separately
• Grief can intensify again years later
• There is no final stage—grief changes, but it doesn’t vanish

Everyone Grieves Differently — Patterns, Not Stages

Instead of “progressing” through steps, most people notice patterns that come and go: periods of numbness, waves of intense emotion, loops of overthinking, moments of meaning, or a strong pull to keep busy caring for others. None of these are right or wrong—they’re simply your way of carrying love and loss.

• Waves: emotions rise and fall unexpectedly
• Numbness: feeling on autopilot or “flat”
• Loops: thoughts replaying what happened
• Holding: taking care of others first
• Meaning: searching for purpose or rituals

When support matches your current pattern, relief comes faster. That’s why Calmio personalizes reflections instead of forcing stages.

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What Grief Really Feels Like

Instead of clean stages, grief is more like an unpredictable storm.

Some days bring relief, others bring overwhelming sorrow. A song, a smell, or a memory can send waves of grief crashing back years after a loss.

Common truths about grief:

• It comes in waves, not stages
• You may feel numbness and pain at the same time
• Joy and sorrow can coexist
• Healing doesn’t mean forgetting—it means finding ways to carry the love and the loss

Why Oversimplification Hurts

When people are told there are six stages, they often think:

• “Why am I not in the next stage yet?”
• “Why do I keep going backward?”
• “Why does it feel like I’ll never reach acceptance?”

“These expectations make grief even harder,” says Dr. Reeves. “They create shame, guilt, and the sense that something is wrong with you. But nothing is wrong—grief is simply not linear.”

A More Compassionate Approach to Grief

Instead of strict stages, grief is better understood as a continuum of experiences that ebb and flow. Healing comes not from following steps, but from:

• Allowing emotions to rise and fall naturally
• Finding safe ways to express sorrow and longing
• Creating personal rituals to honor the loved one
• Receiving gentle, consistent support along the way

This is where new tools like Calmio make a difference.

How Calmio Helps When Stages Fall Short

Calmio doesn’t tell you what “stage” you should be in. Instead, it offers:

• Daily reflections to process emotions in the moment
• Personalized journaling prompts to honor your loved one
• Gentle exercises to reintroduce balance and meaning
• A supportive space you can return to anytime, without judgment

Frequently Asked Questions

Answers to common questions from our readers

Are the "stages of grief" accurate?

They were never intended as a strict roadmap. Many people don't experience all of them, or they feel several at the same time. Grief is individual and changes over time.

Why do I feel fine and then awful again?

That's normal. Triggers—like dates, places, or music—can bring back intense waves even years later.

How long does grief last?

There's no expiration date. Most people learn to carry the loss while gradually rebuilding life around it.

When should I seek extra support?

If grief disrupts sleep, work, relationships, or safety—or you feel stuck—getting support helps. Try our gentle check-in to see what could help today.

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